Writing Archive – Saga of a Deranged Insomniac

I was a journalism junkie growing up and a member of my high school newspaper (The Viking Voice in Mount Horeb). A few years ago I located all the issues our journalism class created during my Junior and Senior year. I then typed up the articles I wrote for the Voice, of course not knowing what I would ever do with them. Until now!

I was fortunate to have a teacher that was very supportive of most of our crazy story ideas.  I don’t recall if I came up with the concept of a high school student’s fictional and humorous sleepless night, but here’s what I wrote and was published in the spring of Junior year:

Saga of a Deranged Insomniac

10:00 P.M. – Ahhh, bedtime.  Boy, am I tired.  I feel exactly like Rip Van Winkle.  Well, I’ll just get comfortable and fall right asleep.

12:05 A.M. – I’ll try once again to fall asleep.  Geez, it’s midnight!  I’m starting to get worried.  I need rest if I’m going to be active with my socialite friends tomorrow.

1:21 A.M. – Let’s see, I’ve counted 2,151,921 sheep, 956 anteaters, six goldfish, and two sleeping dogs.  I think I’ll just hop out of bed and see what’s on the tube.


Drat it!  All of the channels are off the air!  No, wait.  Here’s one that’s still on.  Wow, “3-D House of Instant Coffee” is on.  What a lousy time to misplace my 3-D glasses.  An opportunity to enjoy a fine cultural experience, and I mess up.  I suppose I’ll go back to bed.

2:07 A.M. – Maybe a little food would help me get some shut eye.  I’ll just take a short trip to the kitchen.

Clomp, clomp…


Oops, sorry Spike.  I hope mom won’t mind that I stepped on her cat.  I never did like the stupid thing anyway.  What’s in the fridge?  Hmmm.  Salad dressing, liver, whipped cream and tuna fish.  Maybe I could make a liver split.  Naw, I’ve got a better idea.  I could market the tuna fish as deodorant.  The smell would last up to five days,  There’s only one problem:  It’s too economical for me to make any money.

3:49 A.M. – Here I am on the floor!  I’ve decided the bed is just too comfortable to sleep in.  Now for a little soft music to get settled in.  I’ll just turn on the radio and…what do you know?  The cord has been eaten clean through.  Spike is responsible!  He must be destroyed along with the evil Hitler impersonators of the planet Jantai!  Ohhhh nooooo…I’m beginning to crack…

5:01 A.M. – What would happen if I gave out the Academy Awards?  For best picture, the nominees are:  “She Was Reptilian”

“The 3-D Ax Murderer of Pacific High”

“We’re All Zombies”

“Waltz for a Comet”

“Christmas with Satan’s Dog”

6:08 A.M. – I finally realized what insomnia is doing to my brain.  I think I’ll take up elephant juggling, but first maybe I should go to sleep.  I doubt if I will though.  I’ve been awake all night already.  It’s – zzzzzzzz, snore.

6:45 A.M. – “Joe!  It’s mom!  It’s time to get up and go to school!  By the way, what happened to Spike?”


Various Viking Voice issues

Various Viking Voice issues

3 thoughts on “Writing Archive – Saga of a Deranged Insomniac

  1. Pingback: Chris Zantow’s Blog Year in Review 2016-17 | Chris Zantow

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