“What The Feck?” – More Underground Newspaper Articles

If you’ve been following the blog, there have been a few previous posts with excerpts from “What The Feck?”  Here are a couple articles from my high school underground newspaper.  The first is a rant about the American Music Awards, and the second asks some hard-hitting  questions (ha!) about some 1970’s teen idols.

Feckian Music Awards

Many years ago in a world much like this one, award shows were created to screw the hell out of people’s minds and ruin normally good nights in front of the TV.  These programs, while having good ideas, wreck any sense of intelligence that a viewer may have lodged in his or her brain.

An excellent case in point is the American Music Awards show that ran on ABC last Monday from seven to ten o’clock.  The show was hosted by Diana Ross who gets our first Feckian award for number of dresses worn, which was somewhere around seven.  She changed clothes faster than a frog trying to catch flies on a Missouri bayou.  What a wardrobe!

Our second award is presented to the Monkees for doing the worst reading of the show’s rules in history.  So what if they couldn’t play their instruments, write songs, or sing decently.  They have a way of making the public go to the bathroom whenever they read rules of any sort, or have reunions for that matter.

The award for getting the most awards goes to Whitney Houston and Janet Jackson.  Maybe they should get together and record an album so they can win twice as many awards next year!  Maybe they should just retire.  Then again, maybe I should just finish this bogus article.  Yeah, I think it’s about time I put this beast to rest.

The Feckian award for most stupid award show is hereby given to the American Music Awards.  The flaws, the non-elegant presentation, and the lip-syncing of so-called “live” songs ruined what was an excellent idea on the surface.  And it has been around for fourteen years?  Ha!

Trivia – How many times did the word “award” appear in the previous article?  You figure it out – I’m not supplying the answer!

Does Donny Osmond Still Wear Purple Socks?

Remember many years ago when Donny and Marie Osmond had their own television show?  Back in those days Marie was always “just a little bit country” while Donny was a “little bit rock and roll.”  What an interesting concept, huh?

Questions that have crossed many people’s minds concerning the Osmond family are:  Does Donny still wear those flashy purple socks?  Are Marie’s sparkly white teeth actually the real thing?

The famous National Enquirer has attempted to answer those questions along with uncovering Marie’s divorce secrets.  But for those of you with sharp minds, here are some more teen idol questions that you may be able to answer on your own:

Who were the original Charlie’s Angels women?

What happened to Jimmy Baio’s singing career?

Anybody remember the Village People?  If yes, let’s agree to not talk about it.

Where is Shaun Cassidy?

Is John Travolta really doing a movie with the “Welcome Back Kotter” sweathogs?

Surely any American with feelings must care about those former teen idols.  If anyone has answers to the preceding questions, let yourself be heard!  Maybe we’ll get some real inside information on Donny Osmond’s purple socks.  It would be a true break for former teen idols everywhere.

One thought on ““What The Feck?” – More Underground Newspaper Articles

  1. Pingback: Chris Zantow’s Blog Year in Review | Chris Zantow

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