What the Feck? – Underground Newspaper Re-Revisited

If you missed the earlier explanation about the “underground” newspaper I helped write and edit in high school, more information can be found here.  A second post was added in December – an editorial about holiday commercialism.

The content that follows is from our fourth issue:

How to Make a Lot of Free Money

Quite a large number of high school students are currently employed by various businesses.  These students work to avoid financial trouble.  Working also relieves the pressure of constantly asking mom or dad for twenty bucks.

But students, wake up!  There is a way to make money without working.  Yes, you can get money for laying around on a couch.  This isn’t one of those “fly by night” schemes to get rich quick.  It is generally effective because of the current law setup.

You see, there is something called Workman’s Compensation that every employer must pay into to insure the employees against work loss.  The employees get paid this compensation only if they are hurt on the job.  So if you’re tired of working and want some free money, just get hurt at work by an accident or an act of God.  You’ll be paid about two-thirds of your weekly salary just to sit around and recuperate.  If you want to get lucky, here are some jobs and ways to collect free money:

Kitchen worker – slice off a finger

Construction worker – drop jack hammer on foot

Carpenter – have a beam fall on your head

Painter – Fall off a ladder

Supermarket checker – slam hand in cash register

Bag Boy – get hit by a shopping cart

Farmer – get lost in a haystack and swallow some hay

We hope that we have helped in solving your money problems.  Getting injured at work is a calculated gamble that some of us must take.  Good luck!  (Please don’t try this at home)

Student Poll Shows Lint Worthwhile

One thing that many of us have an abundance of, yet take for granted, is lint.  Yes, those little balls of fuzz, hair, and polyester have been proven useful by a student poll.  Fifteen students answered the following questions on lint:

Do you ever find lint in your pocket?  Yes = 12, No = 3

Do you ever find lint in your belly button?  Yes = 9, No = 6

Did you ever get in a fight over lint?  Yes = 3, No = 12

Do you think lint is nice?  Yes = 12, No = 3

If lint was your only way to survive, would you eat it (12) or die first (3)?

Favorite color of lint:  Blue = 7, Green = 6, Clear color = 1, No preference = 1

Both sexes were asked the following question:  What kind of lint do you like your men in?  Tough, savage kind = 6, No preference = 6, The opposite of beets = 3

Many of the students who took the poll were very enthusiastic when talking about lint.  One of the males expressed, “I always seem to find lint when looking for money.”

Lint does appear to have a worthwhile purpose here on earth.  Lint could be used as a food, although good recipes are hard to find in most cookbooks.  Lint also helps to keep dirt out of belly buttons around the world.  Lint sometimes serves as a source of embarrassment for those with no money in their pockets.

Some people go through life and never find the real importance of lint.  But lint is something that everyone should be aware of at an early age.  Let’s keep the lines of communication open about lint.

Various "What The Feck?" covers

Various “What The Feck?” covers

One thought on “What the Feck? – Underground Newspaper Re-Revisited

  1. Pingback: Chris Zantow’s Blog Year in Review | Chris Zantow

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s